Grief Resource

Families in Transition

The grieving process is a time of transition that cannot be measured on a calendar. It's a little like weeding a garden in the Summer time. You do it over and over again until the season changes. The following tips may help you through your transition:

• Give yourself permission to grieve --- Don't deny the physical, emotional, and behavioral aspects of grief. Crying encompasses all categories, and you may find that you cry a lot during this time.

• Seek information about grief -- your funeral director can help you find a support group, a bereavement counselor, or a book appropriate to your needs.

• Keep a journal -- Experts in the field of grief say that writing in a journal on a daily basis helps the grieving person transition through the grieving process.

• Take care of yourself -- A balanced diet, resting, and sleeping becomes a challenge during this transition. Take a nap when you feel you can. Try to eat plenty of fruits, vegetables, and drink plenty of water. Treat yourself to a massage to relax your muscles and mind.

• Join a support group -- Get to know others who have been or are going through the same type of grief as your are experiencing.

Also there is a website for Center for Loss & Transition. Just click on the icon below. 

There are many books available on the subject of transition. As part of our community service project, we donated 22 books and 2 video tapes to the Altus Public Library for you to check out.

Books and Videos for Children and Teens

• THE FALL OF FREDDIE THE LEAF         By Dr. Leo Buscaglia
  
  A metaphorical story of life and death, and the changing seasons of life. Color photographs.

• I HEARD YOUR MOMMY DIED        By Mark Scrivani
  
  Children ages two to six can relate to this book. Children know they can cry, be sad, play, and remember Mommy. Their love never dies.

• I HEARD YOUR DADDY DIED        By Mark Scrivani
  
  Memories, keepsakes, and wearing Daddy's T-shirts for sleepshirts are all encouraged. Feelings are affirmed and children know they are loved.

• LIFETIMES        By Bryan Mellonie & Robert Ingpen
  
  This book explains life and death in a beautiful and caring way, and is directed towards younger children. Lifetimes tells about beginnings, endings, and the living in between, and the fact that dying is a part of living. Beautiful illustrations.

• WHAT ON EARTH DO YOU DO WHEN SOMEONE DIES?        By Trevor Romain
  
  When Trevor Romain's father died, he didn't know what to do, say, or feel. He began writing abut his experiences and feelings and he talks directly to kids about death and how to cope. Full of concrete advice, comfort, and reassurance.

Straight Talk About Death for Teenagers:

• HOW TO COPE WITH LOSING SOMEONE YOU LOVE                By Earl A. Grollman
  
  Earl Grollman speaks directly to the hearts and minds of teenagers who are coping with the death of a family member or friend. Excellent advice and worldly wisdom from an author who understands both grief and teenagers.

• WHEN A FRIEND DIES        By Marilyn E. Gootman, Ed.D.
  
  Directed towards teens, this book focuses on the specific emotions and turmoil they feel after losing a friend. Also, ideal for parents and teachers of grieving teens.

• AARVY AARDVARK FINDS HOPE        Video
  
  Aarvy's family has all been taken far, far away, and Aarvy is full of despair and hopelessness. Ralphie Rabbit befriends Aarvy and helps him learn about the strengths within himself. Provides loving validation and helps a child heal and grow.

• STANDING TALL        Video
  
  Seven teenagers share their stories of dealing with a loved one's death. They tell how they heard the news, how they felt, and how they coped and moved on. Included in their stories: deaths of a grandfather, father, mother, brother, sister, cousin, and aunt.

Books and Video for Adults:

• LIVING WHEN A LOVED ONE HAS DIED        By Earl A. Grollman
  
  In this best-selling guide to coping with grief, easy-to-read meditations help us cope with denial, anger, loss. letting go, and moving on.

• REMEMBERING WITH LOVE        By E. Levang and S. Lise
  
  These messages of hope are short, readable pages that affirm, support, and teach about loss and love.

• HELPING THE GRIEVING STUDENT:  A Guide for Teachers     By The Dougy Center
  
  Discusses the grieving process that occurs in every age group from toddlers to teens. each section lists common behaviors to expect and gives advice on helping each age group cope. Special focus is placed on helping school-aged children cope with death.

• HOW CAN I HELP?        By June Cerza Kolf
  
  Author June Cerza Kolf offers expert advice on the grieving process. A hospice coordinator and bereavement director, Kolf shares real-life stories and walks readers through the grieving process, step-by-step.

• LOSING A PARENT        By Fiona Marshall
  
  Explores in detain the emotional impact such as depression, sibling conflict, guilt, even physical distress that a parent's death may cause.

• WHY ARE THE CASSEROLES ALWAYS TUNA?                            By Darcie D. Sims
  
  A loving look at the lighter side of grief that affirms the normalcy of grief again and again through laughter as well as tears.

• HELP, COMFORT, AND HOPE AFTER LOSING YOUR BABY IN PREGNANCY OR THE FIRST YEAR        By Hannah Lothrop
  
  Part One speaks to those who have lost a child through miscarriage, stillbirth, neonatal death, sudden infant death, or termination of pregnancy, and guides parents through the experience of bereavement. Part Two provides information for caregivers who are helping parents through this difficult time, such as funeral directors, ministers, hospital staff, and support group members. Insightful and warmly written.

• EMPTY CRADLE, BROKEN HEART        By Deborah L. Davis
  
  Comprehensive and sensitive book showing a wide range of experiences following the death of a baby and offering ways to cope.

• AFTER YOU SAY GOODBYE -- WHEN SOMEONE YOU LOVE DIES OF AIDS        By Paul Kent Froman, PH.D.
  
  Focuses on the unique problems and emotions that affect those left behind after someone has died of AIDS. Separate sections are devoted to dealing with the individual problems of parents, lovers, and friends as they deal with fear, anger, and discrimination.

• SURVIVORS OF SUICIDE        By Rita Robinson
  
  No one is ever prepared for suicide, but this book can help both survivors and the general public acknowledge and cope with it.

• HOW WILL I GET THROUGH THE HOLIDAYS?                                By James E. Miller
  
  This book helps bereaved people get through the emotionally charged holiday season while coping with the death of a loved one. Offers twelve ideas for navigating through such periods with many specific suggestions, and includes several thoughtful, time-honored quotations.

• HEAVEN'S NOT A CRYING PLACE        By Joey O'Connor
  
  This book answers some tough questions that push parents out of their comfort zones. If our children are to develop a health understanding of life and death, we must be willing to answer their innocent questions abut eternal matters.  Book and Video available.

• TEAR SOUP        By Pat Schwiebert & Chuck DeKlyen
  
  A recipe for healing after loss. After Grandy suffers a loss, she cooks up her own batch of tear soup. This book gives you a glimpse into Grandy's life as she blends different ingredients into her own grief process.

• NOBODY'S CHILD ANYMORE -- GRIEVING, CARING, AND COMFORTING WHEN PARENTS DIE        By Barbara Bartocci
  
  Stories from the author's own experience of mourning the loss of two parents, as well as dozens of other stories. She leads us through four stages that most adults experience at some time: caring for a dying parent, mourning the loss, caring for the parent left behind, and finding new meaning beyond grief.

• COWBELLS AND COURAGE        By Patrick W. Page
  
  Pat Page's wife died after almost fifty years of marriage. Now he sits and talks with men about everything from dating to cooking to anger to tears. An essential for all men.

Experiencing the pain of grief includes the literal physical pain that many people experience and the emotional band behavioral pain associated with loss. It is necessary to acknowledge and work through this pain or it will manifest itself through some symptom or other form of aberrant behavior.

Being able to identify the common reactions lets you know that the feelings you are having are considered normal for people in grief: however, identifying and coping with these reactions can be extremely difficult. Please call the funeral home for information regarding local support groups and bereavement counselors. Sometimes just knowing there is someone to talk to can relieve some of the emotional, physical, and behavioral reactions.

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